A MOTHER FEELS SHE HAS FAILED HER DAUGHTER

Dear Taiwo,
I am sad and in a serious dilemma. When I think of what is happening in my home now and the trauma my only daughter is putting me through, it makes me feel like a failure.
But sincerely, deep within me, I did the best I could and made myself available to my children as much as I could. Although, one cannot be 100 per cent perfect, but I can say with all conviction, that I don’t deserve this. To make it worse, my husband believes that all that has happened is as a result of my carelessness.
I have always been the parent at home while my husband’s job as a sales representative takes him out of town and even out of the country a lot of times.
Despite the fact that my husband travels most of the time, he makes it a point of duty to provide for our needs. Also because of the nature of his job, he advised that I shouldn’t take a paid job, I opened a supermarket in the shop improvised at home, so my children; two of them meet me at home whenever they return from school.
Even if I needed to go out, it is either I go with them, or the house help will be with them at home.
I have two children, a boy and a girl, the girl is the eldest and because she is a girl, I make sure I give her extra attention and I can also say she is her father’s favourite.
I am not trying to talk too much, but to let you know that I have really tried my best. Two years ago, my husband was away to the United States of America for three weeks. My cousin came to see me for the weekend and she was the one who called my attention to my 14-year-old daughter who was then in Junior Secondary Three. I took a good look at her too and suspected she was pregnant.
I called and asked her questions, her answers eventually confirmed my suspicion. I was so distraught and sad. I confided in my cousin who called my attention to her condition we put heads together and decided to get her to abort the pregnancy which was about four months old.
It was a big trauma for me. I almost went berserk when she was in the theatre. I couldn’t take her to our family doctor, because of the fear that he might eventually tell my husband, we had to go to my cousin’s family doctor.
When the whole exercise was over, my cousin and her family doctor advised that we give her a family planning device, without her knowledge, but I was against this because I didn’t feel comfortable about it. More so, I trusted her when she said she was raped by her cousin when she went to stay the night at her uncle’s.
I didn’t want to cause a family feud, I decided to keep quiet about it, but made up my mind that my children will no longer sleep over at their uncle’s place, no matter what may happen.
My daughter also pleaded with me to keep this incident away from her father. I promised that it would be between us, if she also promised it won’t happen again.
This incident made us very close and I appreciated the type of bond which was between us. Several times, I was tempted to tell my husband, but because I had given my daughter my word, I didn’t wasn’t to renege on my words, so I kept it close to my chest and kept praying for her.
I however, received the shock of my life when my husband who has been home on leave for a while asked me to take a good look at my daughter. I was so scared that I almost passed out.
Even before looking at her, I remembered the antecedent, and hope it wasn’t happening again, but low and behold, it has repeated itself. After thorough investigation and probing, I discovered that my daughter is six weeks pregnant again!.
I was devastated; this is a girl I keep under my watch at all times. The only times she goes out without her brother and I is when she is going to church. Unfortunately, this happened, right in my house under my nose.
She told her father and I that her home lesson teacher impregnated her. He has been dating my daughter and sleeping with her right inside our house without anybody’s knowledge.
I am still in shock. The worst thing is that my husband won’t stop blaming me and accusing me of been careless. I would have been able to raise my head, but the fact that I kept the first incident from him is killing me.
Would confiding in him now not destroy the trust he has in me.? My pains is doubled, please, what should I do?. I still can’t even ask what we would do with the pregnancy.
The home lesson teacher is already in police custody, but of course this is not sorting out the issue on ground. Please, help me how do I pacify my husband? I also feel I have failed him.