WTF AFRICA- TALKING TORTOISE

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A Mpofu family from the Nkayi area of Matabeleland North province was gobsmacked and left wondering what on earth was going on as a tortoise was discovered in their daughters’ bedroom, apparently planted by a rogue relative, with the intention to annihilate the girl child in the family, according to the local tabloid uMthunywa.

Cde Lameck Mpofu who hails from Chief Nkalakathi’s jurisdiction had his heart in his mouth when he heard that, a relative, harbouring some witchcraft tendencies had situated a tortoise in his daughter’s bedroom.

In a case of voodoismic black magic, reports say the tortoise was meant to devour Mpofu’s offspring.

Umthunywa reporters were reliably informed that seven heard of cattle were used as token to purchase the mystic creature before it was unleashed to deal with the Mpofu family.

One eye witness, Mr Ndodana Moyo confirmed that when he witnessed the discovery of the paranormal tortoise, he could not believe the evidence of his eyes.

“This is a true story. We were all present when this creature was removed from the hut. The prophet even made it clear that the motive of the tortoise was to kill Mpofu’s children by sucking their blood in a bizarre case of witchcraft.”

“The prophet clarified the motive but could not specifically disclose the owner except making it clear that it was all the responsibility of a scoundrel relative.” Moyo explained.

According to other eyewitnesses, the mysterious creature which was articulating words like a human being was heard saying,
“Beliyengaphi abantu befuna ukungibulala lithi ngiyengaphi mina ngathengwa ngeziloboya obumnyama, angizibuyelanga lapha kodwa lamuhla selingixotsha. Angiphumi lapha, lingadlala kubi omunye uzangena phansi. (Why do you wanna kill me as if came here on my own accord yet I was bought by a heard of black cows? You are playing with fire)

“Mina ngilande ukuzosebenza Mpofu izihlobo zakho zimi njalo ziqinile ngami,” ngamazwi ayephuma kufudu lo ekhuluma emzini kaMpofu”.(I am here to do a job assigned to me by Mpofu’s relatives)

Another elderly witness Mrs Lindiwe Tshabalala told Umthunywa that the tortoise had been casting a spell in the Mpofu family causing diseases and other misfortunes.

“There was a problem in the village as Mpofu was constantly down with different kinds of ailments. His second wife had to leave home because of the predicament,” Tshabalala indicated.

Even one of Mpofu’s wives, Mrs Mildred Mpofu testified to the occurrence.

“Besesibhode saze sadinwa kubaphurofethi sizama ukulungisa iguma lethu ngoba kuthiwa kulento esihlala layo kodwa besehluleka ukuyikhipha.(We had tried every trick in the book to deal with this with no success)

“AmaZiyoni la aveza ukuthi ufudu lo ubethi angakhipha ikhanda phandle ubaba agule, angalibisela kufe umuntu. Into le bakubeka sobala ukuthi ngeyosendo lukababa abayibeka ekhaya engakwazi,” (Various prophets had prophesied that every time this creature reared its head, Mpofu would fall ill and every time it hid its head, there was death in the family)

Talking to reporters Mpofu confirmed the deaths of six of his children mostly likely related to the existence of this mystic tortoise.

“Baluthiya ngelanga elilodwa kwathi ntambama balukhipha endlini eyayilala umntanami oyinkazana, lwalumenza angayindawo angadingi lomsebenzi njalo abalekelwe ngamajaha. (The prophets set a booby trap and the beast got caught in the act. It had cast a spell on my daughter so that she could not get a job or a relationship)

“Ufudu lo kuthiwa khathesi beselufuna ukubulala mina ngoba kuthiwa ngihlakaniphe kakhulu. Okwakhathesi sengingcono lokugula. Okokuthi ngolwami asiloqiniso, amaZiyoni aveza ukuthi ngolosendo lwakithi,” (According to the prophets, I was destined to be the next victim, the reason for my undeserving punishment being that I was seen as a corky person)

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