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JAMAICAN PARENTING


Jamaican parenting

The regular Jamaican parent has to be broken down into about four of five different types of parenting. While for the women it is complicated and can be broken down in these groups the Jamaican father is less complicated, they are either there or not there.
-There is the Jamaican parent that doesn’t know how to love, that parent is usually disconnected from their offspring. Some may provide food and shelter in extreme cases these parents leave the children to fend for themselves
-There is the Jamaican parent who learned early to use their body for what they want and ended up getting children that they didnt want. The mothers have different groups of children and leave them in various places
– Fathers will impregnate multiple women and choose to support a few of their offspring.
-Some fathers will deliberately disown the children they know are theirs
-In later years because of the changes Jamaican culture and migration, it brought a different type of parent to the table.-The parent who went abroad and had life harder than they thought and wasnt able to provide for their children back home. -The provider parent, who migrated and sends money steadily back home but the child/children are disconnected from the parent because they end up not knowing them.

How do you feel about your parents and the way they parented?
How do you feel about the way you parented what do you think you could have done differently?

Many of us struggle with the type of parents we have/had …How do you feel about the impact your parents have on your life?

HERE IS AN ARTICLE ABOUT PARENTING STYLES IN THE CARIBBEAN
In many Western countries, the nuclear family, in which both parents are members of the household, is believed to be ideal. In Jamaica and the wider Caribbean, however, the nuclear family is often the exception rather than the rule. A large proportion of families in the region still consist of only one parent, usually the mother, with fathers adopting a marginal role in child-care and nurturance. According to the UNICEF publication “Situation Analysis of Jamaican Children,” over 45% of the households in Jamaica are female-headed. Such family structures are generally accepted as the norm in the Caribbean, and are often viewed as functional responses to the problems faced by people living in the region.

With regard to parenting style, a large percentage of Jamaican parents are believed to be authoritarian. This belief is largely due to the forms of discipline and communication patterns employed by many parents in the country. While there are variations in parenting styles among Jamaican parents, their general child-rearing methods have been described as highly repressive, severe and abusive (Smith & Mosby, 2003) and their disciplinary measures as inconsistent and developmentally inappropriate (Sloley, 1999, cited in Smith & Mosby, 2003). As Smith and Mosby (2003) mentioned, physical punishment is culturally sanctioned and generally viewed as the norm, supported by parents, relatives, teachers, and some religious leaders. Recently, the use of corporal punishment in Jamaican schools was banned but it continues to be used extensively by many parents. [showmyads]

Poor parent-child communication is another characteristic of authoritarian parenting that has been noted among Jamaican parents. Evans and Davies (1997, cited in Smith & Mosby, 2003) noted that Jamaican parents often complained about their children asking too many questions or talking too much. These researchers argued that Jamaican parents are not inclined to engage in extended conversations with their children or to reason with them, views which are supported by Smith and Mosby (2003). In a study funded by the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF), entitled “Unfriendly Parents in Jamaica” (2001) similar issues were identified and discussed. More specifically, researchers noted that there is a “lack of balanced communication between parents and teenagers, an unwillingness to engage in discussions with children, lack of information by parents and a lack of understanding of adolescent behaviour” (“Unfriendly Parents in Jamaica,” 2001, cited in Smith & Mosby, 2003, p. 373). Again, cultural beliefs help to maintain this form of interaction between parents and children. Many Jamaican parents still adhere to the view that children should “speak only when spoken to” and “should be seen and not heard.”


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72 comments to this article

  1. Real

    on June 24, 2018 at 7:45 pm - Reply

    What is the order? Question and answer ?

    • Met

      on June 24, 2018 at 7:47 pm - Reply

      People can jus talk..what can u relate to and what u cant..and it would be good if we got some answers etc..jus do u thing

  2. Real

    on June 24, 2018 at 7:59 pm - Reply

    I am now a parent … it is not easy but no major problems just di pickney dem feisty .. I grew up with both parents and also have friends who did …. strangely many girls I knew were being raised by their fathers … I don’t think my life was that bad but my mother was vicious

  3. Met

    on June 24, 2018 at 8:08 pm - Reply

    My parents were very good..They allowed me to be me in the sense that they both knew from early that I was outspoken and they allowed that..As a parent I am the opposite..something I feel guilty about..Im too authoritative but I do listen and I do speak and I do give my all..I feel I could be less strict but dont know how to give up that part of me

    • Met

      on June 24, 2018 at 8:10 pm - Reply

      Maybe because I worry about every little thing and not being able to protect so Im over-protective to a fault .

      • Anonymous

        on June 24, 2018 at 10:46 pm - Reply

        Nothing is wrong with that, it’s a crazy world tho

        • Met

          on June 24, 2018 at 10:53 pm - Reply

          It is and because I know I will gas and light I try to be protective just in case

  4. Real

    on June 24, 2018 at 8:11 pm - Reply

    I am very strict in a weird way allow outspokeness now too outspoken ……. I think I preferred one parent over the other ..

    • Met

      on June 24, 2018 at 8:15 pm - Reply

      I used to and Im still a daddy’s girl but Im the favorite of both parents :alay now will give my soul for both because Im a mommy’s girl too and now both look to me as the head of everything..

  5. Real

    on June 24, 2018 at 8:19 pm - Reply

    One dead only person mi woulda wah talk to again

  6. Honeybee

    on June 24, 2018 at 8:20 pm - Reply

    When it comes to many Jamaican parent(s) their behaviour is inherited. My parents, didn’t know how to openly express themselves in regards to how they as our parent feels about their children. Growing up, I’ve never heard my parents say “i love you”, to me or my siblings. My mother was the type to spank us for every and anything, while my father was the kind of father who let things slide because we were kids being kids. He has never spank any of his children.

    My mother became affectionate when she migrated, I think after years of living in America have changed her. She started to say, “i love you” When we (the children) moved to the states. It was very wired for us, but eventually we all adopt and learn to be affectionate to each other.

    I say all that to say: some jamaican parent loved their children, but they don’t know how to show it. Because they themselves were not shown any kind of love from their parents. Looking back I know my parent love me. They raised us the way they were raised.

    • Met

      on June 24, 2018 at 8:23 pm - Reply

      I find my parents didnt say I love u but both of them loved to write so as children we would always get cards on birthdays and little notes..my mom was the beater and my father wasn’t because what he displayed to us we had to respect….so even till today I cant curse near them or even talk loud and if my father is upset with me I will cry

      • Honeybee

        on June 24, 2018 at 8:42 pm - Reply

        My mother is more open than my father. Hes a hard nut to crack. But he would go to the end of the world for his children.

        • Met

          on June 24, 2018 at 8:55 pm - Reply

          Hmmmm my father is very quiet but will speak his mind and my mother is not quiet and always talking her mind. Daddy is very serious but mommy take everything for a joke lol..I think I have a little bit of both personality wise

  7. Honeybee

    on June 24, 2018 at 8:38 pm - Reply

    Many black men dont know how to be a parent because their father choose to be absent from their lives. And in return they perpetrate said behaviour towards their children. In Jamaica, there is a “man fi breed nuff gyal”, mortality. Hence the reason why so many children are without a male figure in their lives. Many of those boys are now menace to society. And [some] of those boys are going to abandoned their children because their father wasn’t there, so why should they.

    We have all seen how some of the musictions make many children with multiple women, without the though of “How am I going to financially and emotionally take care of all these children”? But what’s most important is that he’s a cocks man to his peers.

  8. Honeybee

    on June 24, 2018 at 8:54 pm - Reply

    Looking at my siblings and noticing how they parent. I often wonder what my parenting skills would be like when or if I have children. My two older sisters do have some of my mother’s parenting skills expect the spanking. They’re strict but they let their children expressed themselves in many ways. where as we could never do that with our parent. My little sister on the other hand, she’s like my mother all over again, even though, she refused to believed it..lol

  9. Honeybee

    on June 24, 2018 at 9:19 pm - Reply

    So how do we, the offsprings of the nuclear family and the one parent household, change the dynamics of how we parent, in order not to pass on some behaviour on to our children? Remember, some of us proudly proclaimed, “a so mi mada raise me, an it neva kill me”. So therefore, I will raise my children the same. Old habits are hard to die. Its going to take a lot of work.

    • Met

      on June 24, 2018 at 9:25 pm - Reply

      I think to change the dynamic more parents have to be confident in displaying love and also understand love also corrects…whether it means correcting the mistakes of your parent or yourself.. Many of us know how we were as children and forget that we were children when we have children…if u had one parent and ur are a single parent you know how it felt to have one parent missing so you can be more understanding of what your child is going through…and dont be afraid to get help or ask for help. We are not perfect..there is much more help now than there was then

      • Honeybee

        on June 24, 2018 at 11:25 pm - Reply

        :shakehand2 we should take that into consideration when we are struggling with how to not based all of our parents parenting skills, when we’re trying to be a good parent.

  10. Met

    on June 24, 2018 at 9:44 pm - Reply

    I forgot to add the matey and wifey aspect of jamaican parenting where the man is with both women who are steadily competing and forget about their children…that has destroyed many households

  11. MAMACITA

    on June 24, 2018 at 10:08 pm - Reply

    I totally agree with what Ms Met said about parenting in Jamaica. It is the sad reality that has raised many of us. I can relate to some of it, as my mother was a single mother to all of her children. I am glad that my mother wasn’t gone from our lives for too many years (when she migrated) because if she did …..I too would have probably been disconnected from her. I knew who my father was, but I didn’t grow up around him. I grew up with my mother until I started High School. Then she migrated and I was solely raised by my grandmother. Well ….. we all lived in the same house with my grandparents, so you can say that I was fully raised by my grandmother too. My grandmother had the final say. She has been a woman of God for as long as I can remember …. But don’t let that fool you. She was very verbal. She spoke her mind with the utmost respect. She always reprimanded us when we did anything wrong. She was a disciplinarian. She wasn’t affectionate or mushy….. but her love was in her words of wisdom. We went to church with her. She preached the word of God in the house every single day. Growing up there were few men in our home. My grandfather and an Uncle …..but it was mostly women. My Grandfather did the ass whooping and occasionally my Uncle helped out with that. My mom wasn’t the type of Mom we could go to as girls with problems about boys. We didn’t really know how to talk to her and she did not provide that platform……. but it was always clear to us ……She didn’t want us face the same challenges she did as a young lady growing up. She made it clear in her own way. Nuff cussing …. But as I grew older I understood her way of child rearing and I never held anything she did … against her. I admire my grandmother because she is a woman of virtue, pride, discipline and respect. We didn’t always listen to whatever she told us….. but she made sure we knew what the right things were even if we didn’t always do it. None of us dare speak loudly in the presence of my grandmother (to this day…. although somebody ina di family did try a ting and payed dearly for it) As Honey Bee said ….some parenting skills are inherited. My grandmother didn’t know how to show love (saying I love you or kisses at night before bed)…..so my mother grew up not being able to show love in that way. But she would oftentimes curse us by saying things like ….

    “All man want is what between uno legs suh nuh mek dem tell uno oddawise. Uno mus learn fi work an tek care of uno self an nuh depend pon man. Man will come and go but what is between uno legs will always be there, so cherish it. Uno must not love fren an company. Mek ppl long fi see uno, nuh mek dem tired a uno. Doh licky licky cause man will frig uno fi tings. Doh love nyam a ppl yard …. dem will poison uno. Nuh mek ppl push uno round. Always have a mind of uno own. Nuh follow fool tunn fool”.

    All these were life lessons she taught us in her own way. I thank her for that because I look at mothers like that lady (yes she same one) ….and I couldn’t fathom what would have happened if my mom had abandoned us as kids. She got the opportunity to come to America and she didn’t leave us behind ….and God knows that she could have. My mom is a single mother but I wouldn’t trade her for the world. Some parents just don’t know how to show love in the way we think they should show it …..simply because they weren’t loved. There are so many things that can cause a mother to raise her child in a way that might not be beneficial to the child in the long run….. I know that sometimes having a child at a young age is a disadvantage. Also…. being a single parent and not being able to provide for a child can cause a mother to be discouraged and just give up….. But I believe that…..as mothers…. we all have maternal instincts and I believe that…..when we have a child ….there is something that is released in our bodies, our minds and our hearts. It might not always tell us the right thing to do in every situation……but it releases an abundance of unconditional love within our hearts …..and once we possess that unconditional love ….it will always allow us to be kind, loving, compassionate and empathetic towards our children at all times. And even when we show them tough love ….that thing inside us ……never dies. It never goes away. No matter how hard we are on them or how tough we are….. they will always know that there is that deep rooted love inside for them. ……and that will make all the difference. They will do what they want. They’ll be stubborn and “own-way”…..but at the end of the day …..deep inside ….they will always be connected by that unconditional love. I think the one main ingredient to being a great parent ……is unconditional love and compassion for your child. I’m not sure how one obtains that love or that feeling towards a child. That is something that I might never ever be able to figure out. SIGH.

  12. Real

    on June 24, 2018 at 10:26 pm - Reply

    The funny thing is the men in both side paternal and maternal were kinder than the women … they were nicer to their children than the wives now I look at it very interesting

    • Honeybee

      on June 24, 2018 at 11:11 pm - Reply

      I think the difference between mom and dad is that, mothers sees themselves as authoritarian. Mothers tends to discipline the same as their mothers did. As for the fathers, he doesn’t parent like his mother. If you notice, when a father is left with the kids while the mother is out doing errands, the kids behavior tends to be more chaotic and when the father cant manager, he threatening them with scare tactics like, “wait till your mom gets home”. :ngakak then the kids may calm down. My sister’s husbands does it all the time. The kids behave differently when they are around their father.

  13. Highly Concerned

    on June 24, 2018 at 10:35 pm - Reply

    Where do I begin with my cantankerous VIRAGO of a mother. Make no mistake, shes a raas force to be reckon with till today, but I love her dearly. My grandmother was a spitfire troublemaker so my mom inherited those traits. At 25yrs old my mother had 5kids with my dad. They both migrated when we were young. My grandmother was mean, loud, disgraceful and a tyrant, but she was raised that way too. I too have some of those traits but I asked God to temper them so I wont be a generational statistic. My dad I could speak to bout anything, including birth control when I was a teenager. Oh I love that man to pieces..

  14. Nameless...

    on June 24, 2018 at 10:58 pm - Reply

    I apologize for reposting this. I just now realize that this is where the discussion thread was being addressed.

    This is soooooo needed. Our young people are being raised by social media. No one to listen to them. Parenting is hard, sometimes we yearn to be our children’s friend and forget to be their parent/parents. Listen… They are not on honor roll??? Maybe the child’s talent is in their hands. Every child learn at a different pace. Some are entrepreneurs, not meant to work for others. Encouragement is so important. I thought my son had some kind of learning disability. He is so well spoken, wise beyond his years but all throughout his early years I kept hearing “he has such great potential, it’s just not showing in his work”. His father was murdered when he was 6 years old. I had patience. I tried to nurture and encourage. I kept him away for anyone that was doing any kind of drugs, but still talk to him about it. I never grew him in a bubble.
    I judged his readiness for certain topics based his level of understanding. We talked about everything during his early years. He rarely got in trouble at school but I taught him early to tell the truth. His punishment was less severe if I heard the truth from him first. At 12 when he crashed my computer looking at porn (me and the computer guy saw the popups when the computer was able to reboot),I went to my room and calm down so I wouldn’t yell or hit him. I then got pamphlets on all kinds of STDs and show him, graphic pictures and the dangers of unprotected sex. I showed him videos of teenage pregnancy stories. I could go on and on. I remarried when he was 14. Him and my husband got along fine. Juggling wife and motherhood, I made it plain that my love for him is in a special place no one can touch. I made time for him. My marriage did not interfere with our mother and son relationship. I always made sure the lines of communication was always open. Is he perfect? Far from it, but what he has turned into is a respectable, responsible young man. He is making A’s and B’s in college when in high school he rarely made an A many C’s a B here and there. I still cheer him on. Encourage them even when you feel doubt, reward them, even small rewards ( a smile, a compliment a hug if that’s all you have). Let them feel wanted, appreciated. My dad was an alcoholic and my mom had mental issues so I tried to give him the type of parent I never had. On my days off I did family things. I decided investing time in my kid was more important than hanging out every weekend. I never judged people that did, I just thought if I did that to him after the loss of his dad, that would be horrible.
    There is not a single formula for raising kids, you have to spend time with them. Gain their confidence and trust. Go easy at times. Don’t be all disciplined and forget that you can let things slide. Don’t bully or beat if the grades aren’t perfect. Your child can just be a late bloomer. And whatever you do, NEVER compare your kids to your friends’ kids or your sister’s kids or anybody else’s kids. Trust me, never say “so and so kids make better grades, works harder”, whatever the situation, just don’t.
    And for those of you who believe in the LORD, pray over your children. In this evil world, they need to know that there is a GOD and HE cares. My son is a believer. Yes he loves the LORD even though his dad was murdered. I wish every parent reading this understand, it will never be easy. There will be trials. Mistakes will be made, it is ok to apologize to your kids ( I have, when instead of reasoning I cursed a bad word). I have had to in the past gone and apologized and explained that I was stressed out, but it’s not ok to talk to him like that. Just know when to be quiet. If you won’t listen … the streets will. Bless up!

    • Marie

      on June 25, 2018 at 12:30 am - Reply

      Thank you for. this!

  15. Anonymous

    on June 25, 2018 at 12:23 am - Reply

    I find that most Jamaican parents lack the basic skill of expressing love. Most express love by providing food and they think that is love. My mother is soft spoken and has been in the church from I was a little girl. I think my mother never loved me whilst I was growing up. It was only about 2 months ago I went to get counselling and it was discussed that my mother might not have know how to express love. By the time I was born, she was not even 30 and had 4 other children. To complicate matters, I look like my dad and I was always very fond of him. He tried her badly (whole heap a woman ting and outside children).

    I was brilliant in school but it seemed like it was a ‘curse’. Instead of support, I got the constant ‘yu chest too high’. My mother would help 3 of my siblings, but they other brother and I barely got anything from her. I was treated the worst. About 6 months ago, I got in a real difficulty situation and needed some money to borrow for a week. My mother said she couldn’t help. This triggered all the abandonment issues I have. I realised that my mother has tried to sabotaged me in every way she could. I think it was perhaps nothing against me, but it was more because after the separation from my dad, I went to live with him. She developed this competition where everything she did, had to be better than what my father did. One way I realised that my mother sabotaged me, she was living abroad and her boss wanted to set up business in Jamaica. I met with his as it was something I could do. We met and had discussion. Nothing inappropriate happened, it was just about business for me. He went back and sent me a Christmas card. There was nothing between us so I didnt ask about him and she didnt say anything like he asked about me. Years later I visited her and was cleaning up for her and saw a card from the guy to me. I was crushed, couldnt believe that she had the nerve not only to read the letter but not even a whisper of the card. I knew if it was one of my older sisters she would have moved heaven and earth for the connection to be made. There are many instances of sabotage but that was the one that I wanted to vent about.

    • Met

      on June 25, 2018 at 12:28 am - Reply

      She is cold

  16. Anonymous

    on June 25, 2018 at 12:33 am - Reply

    I mentioned earlier that my mother sabotaged me…This is a continuation of my truth. I think of my mother as a big woman that I show respect to like a family friend but not as a mother. I am very indifferent towards her. I recently started dating after many years, the guy is much younger and I am really taken by him. As it turns out, I know I have deep feelings for him, but I am more drawn to him because of the relationship her has with both his mother and grandmother. I am supposed to meet his grandmother over the summer when I go to Jamaica and all I can think of is her hugging me and for a wee fraction of time and be the mother and grandmother that I didnt have. This guy’s love has healed me. He has taught me how to forgive and let go. When I hear of how he affectionately takes about his mom and grandmother, it makes me feel good that he had those experiences but it has shown me the emptiness inside and I didnt realise it bothered me so much.

    • Met

      on June 25, 2018 at 12:47 am - Reply

      A mother’s love is the first love we should experience.. when there is none or a lack of it we are truly empty …U began to block it but reality came back and showed u what bothered u subconsciously

  17. Anonymous

    on June 25, 2018 at 12:59 am - Reply

    I basically grew up in a single parent household , I knew my father but he wasn’t really around plus he had a wife and other children. My mom is very emotionally , mentally and verbally abuse , and she has been like that ever since I knew myself . I hate her , I don’t have a good relationship with her , I can’t talk to her about my problems because she twists things around and puts me down a lot. When I was doing GSAT she usually called me dunce among other segregating things , as I got older into my teenage years I started looking for someone to love me , this made me get taken advantage of . Now I’m an adult I still feel dysfunctional, and I still hate my mother most times I wish she was dead , I am 30 years old and she still puts me down and creates a negative impact in my life . I wish I had a father in my life , when was in my early 20s I was somewhat promiscuous, I had no male figure to guide me and give me a fathers love . I now date and sleep with older men and it’s almost like a fetish for me , I look to older men for guidance , financial support and that fatherly love I never had . Parents do indeed play an important role in a child’s lie . I wish I could be reborn into a family with both supportive parents as I have seen some of my friends have.

    • Met

      on June 25, 2018 at 1:51 am - Reply

      Yes but sometimes life hands u so much sours u haffi add little sugar..If u dont have a child try to mentor a child in a positive way and try to input the positive things u wish your mother did in you in them..if u cant find one physically just try to give young girls positive words and in time u will see how better u will feel

  18. Met

    on June 25, 2018 at 2:01 am - Reply

    I will put this on the front page because we havent touched the orphans yet and the children who were raised by aunts… I know of a woman who said her mother passed when she was young and she was passed down the family as the worker bee..she was out of school for years and only had one good underwear…now that she is older she cant help her promiscuity …was married , cheated on the husband and cant seem to keep one man..The husband filed for her and she left Jamaica and the family behind. She needs therapy but afraid to get the help she needs…We need to touch on these situations too..

  19. Nameless...

    on June 25, 2018 at 2:19 am - Reply

    This topic was and still is so needed. I hope we can all learn from each other’s experiences. That we can understand, healing is truly a process… it takes time. We can become the mothers and fathers we may not have had. That we can empathize with our parents because they probably did not have nurturing parents. That whatever our situation was, we can be the change. We do not have to pass the cycle of brokenness to our children. It is never too late. We can’t undo the wrongs, but we can compensate before the time has passed. It’s hard but we would be surprised if we truly understand what it does to a young and tender heart to hear the words “I’m sorry”… Each day is one more 24 hour time span that we can start mending the brokenness. It is worth it!
    My mother apologized for some of the things that was said and done when I was around 37 years old. Several years ago. I love and appreciate that she admit to at least some wrong doing. But even if she hadn’t? I still owed it to my son to try my best to stop the cycle of pain and hurt. Bless.

    • Met

      on June 25, 2018 at 2:22 am - Reply

      Im sorry means a whole lot and I LOVE you means so much more than a lot..as parents children need to hear these words..this topic will continue throughout the week Im sure

    • Marie

      on June 25, 2018 at 3:07 am - Reply

      You are one hundred percent correct. I’m still waiting on that apology for some unimaginable things. Her grandkids are showered with money and material things that mean zero to me and I know within myself that that is the apology. I still need to hear her say it though. Like you said, a simple and genuine I’m sorry would fix it all. Sometimes I ignore her calls on purpose and I decline her invitations to any family functions because I don’t want to be the solution to the guilt or loneliness that she maybe feeling. I want her to drown in it. It’s another act of selfishness to me. My focus is my kids because sometimes I do sound like her when I get angry. It’s a daily process to be the complete opposite of her.

  20. Marie

    on June 25, 2018 at 2:28 am - Reply

    Awwwww bwoy I meant to be here front row centre at 7pm but I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, listened to my 10 year old complain about every God almighty thing, :nohope: while my little baby complimented me about every God almighty thing…Lol. The older one have her Mac and the younger one Tek weh mi laptop fi watch Netflix so mi drop asleep. Anywayssss parenting I guess right?. :D

    Parenting is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my entire life! If I knew then what I know now I would not have had children! Parenting comes with every emotion and challenge known to man. Joy and love is mixed with guilt,fright and doubt DAILY. It is a thankless, yet rewarding job. You as an individual become second, no LAST to your children. Parenting is not for the faint hearted. I will say this though, I would never trade my babies for men, luxuries, hype or anything else. They allow me to experience a whole other dimension of love that words cannot begin to express. Nothing and I repeat nothing can prepare you for parenting! Imagine slapping your child, then you cry in your bedroom because they are crying. Crazy right? Imagine your four old saying, “mommy I hate you”. I laugh now but back then I bawled and took it to heart. It took my friend saying, “What the f*CK wrong with you? Tell har you hate har too!” What’s even crazier is doing some of the same exact things that your parents did that you promised yourself that you would never do as a parent. I’m already prepared to hear my children say that mommy you were the worst or mommy you did this wrong *tears* but a so it go. I hope not but I’m prepared. One thing I know for sure is kids really don’t care about our dreams, goals or aspirations if at the end of the day they don’t feel loved by us. They crave love. Jamaicans generally aren’t expressive when it comes to love. I’m guilty too. These North American kids don’t play when it comes on to love. They need to hear it and they love to say it. It fuels them. They also don’t play fi tell yuh Dem mind. Sigh. This is a huge adjustment for Jamaican parents. You just want claat Dem sometimes, because we were raised to STFU aND hold our corner to the point of abuse sometimes!

    I cannottttttttttttt understand mothers like cleo. What did you feel when your unborn kicked you? Was breastfeeding a nuisance? Me nuh undastand! When your newborn cried did it sound like cymbals? Even if you’re a whore, yuh nuh whore part-time? If you’re a dancehall addict,then pick 1 day outta 7. Mi nuh undastand. Smaddy explain. Can’t you be wutliss and careless part-time unda di quiet? Mi nuh get it.

    • Anonymous

      on June 28, 2018 at 6:39 pm - Reply

      And what the boys father? Since you couldn’t wait to bring up Cleo. Isn’t the father equally responsible for the child? You can’t go Half on a baby by urself. It takes two so two should be equally held accountable

  21. Sketelbam

    on June 25, 2018 at 6:25 am - Reply

    I missed this one, I was raised by both parents, and they were well established when I was born, so I was spoiled by my father, my mother beat the shit out of me, I wasn’t a rude child, but my mother cuss me all the time, I think she was jealous of the way how my father would travel to different parts of the country as his job took all over the place including overseas, and as him come he would shower me with gifts, when father leaves she tek it out on my, so by the time mi reach preteen I found an older guy that I fell in love with and surely did what my mother cussed me to go do from mi was about 7years old, yes mi breed too early, that’s when the relationship between me and my mother changed, she became a great mother to me, and don’t mention the baby, here is the thing though, as young as I was, I knew that baby was mine, even though my mother played a major role, still allowed me to live my teenage childhood, go back to school, I fitted in with my peers, but I never gave up on being an outstanding young mother, my son was being over the top protected by this mother hen, I never had to beat him or cussed him like my mother did to me, no one had a bad remark to say about my parenting skills, as he was well mannerable, best behaved in school, I had a crowd with me all the time, but my child was off limits to my carry on, I never exposed him to my street life, he knows nothing about it, not even men I did not bring around him, I teach him to respect girls, and love women, he never could go to anyone house by himself, no one messed with him, because then know this mother hen don’t play with her chicken, if you dare to, their would be dire consequences, trust and believe it, so when I hear and see mothers like Cleo, talk about having their children at an early age, and not showing that child affection, it is troubling for me to understand, because you know that feeling just like an adult, I went out too, I did everything except selling my body, but I con and steal from man, because that was the norm back then, but my baby never felt neglected or unloved, when my child sick me literally feel the pain, so I can’t get it, how then do it is beyond me, and I never get my children in nothing that I do that is wrong, I can be everything bad, but not my children, them decent so till me have to wonder how me one so blessed.

  22. Anonymous

    on June 25, 2018 at 6:42 am - Reply

    Met thanks for your kind words. It is true, my mother has failed me from I was a small child. Subconsciously I have blocked it. I noticed that whenever I am in a trying situation and need the love and support of a mother, and realise how she is not there, all the paint come resurfacing. It is amazing how true love can heal. I have done reasonably well for myself, I have surpass all the accomplishment of all my siblings put together. My mother is now bragging about me. The I pray for/love you statements are coming out. I just say ok and keep it moving. It wasnt until I started dating this guy that I made a commitment to change because of the love he has shown me. I know love and hate (un-forgiveness) cannot reside simultaneously in my heart. I can tell you, it hurts that I was loved by my mother and now all I want is to be embraced by my ‘mother-in-law & grandmother-in-law’. I ask you all to keep me in your prayers as well as this young man whom I love deraly.

  23. Sketelbam

    on June 25, 2018 at 6:43 am - Reply

    To conclude I am now the back bone both my parents, of which I am so very happy to be, and my children takes great care of them along side with me, I am proud of who I’ve become as a daughter I am happy God has blessed me so I can do whatever for my parents, and I teach my children to do the same, we work as a team, again that’s good parenting as I will one day be older, and will need the aid of my children, but have shown them the way to loving their elders, some of us want corn, and a peas we plant. My kids are my best friends, but when the wrong or do anything out of line, I don’t play with them, I maintain order and discipline out of them, and you guys would be shocked to know that my eldest is not much older than me, but when I say I get maximum respect from him, that’s what I mean, not through he vying for my love or attention, but because he now knows our age difference, and how much of an excellent mother I was, because he tells me almost every time he remembers the things I used to do as ( child ) mother, so Cleo, me Sketel want beat you with your channel bag and boot, you worthless bitch you.

  24. Pattypage

    on June 25, 2018 at 7:18 am - Reply

    My mother was not verbally abusive but she was what they call called physically abusive at times. I remember when I was about 9 years old, I stole $1 out of my father’s pant pocket and I will tell you after my punishment, I never stole from a individual again. The first thing my mother did was told me I couldn’t go to the birthday party of my classmate that I was looking forward to for months. Then when I was taking a shower, she came with a leather belt and beat the shit out of me. nothing like the feel of a leather belt when you wet. If you ever saw my welts. Then my younger brother would be beat with frying pans. But guess what, we never got beat for nothing. It was always for something.My mother never told us she loved us, but she always told my younger sister that she loved her (my sister was left behind in Jamaica because she was a baby when we migrated so my mother could only talk on the phone with her). My mother was the disciplinarian. My father was always the passive one.
    When we became teenagers, my mother changed to a more hands off approach. Not sure what it was but maybe it was the fact that she was now a single parent and broken or it was because she was more exposed to the American system. By this time, my father was a drug addict who my mother divorced and he was living on the streets. My brother who was 14 years old at the time would skip school and was involved in crime and my mother did nothing but talk. No more beatings, no nothing. I remember the school system had my mother in court and wanted to fine her $50 for everyday my brother didn’t go to school. Luckily my brother turned 16 while the case was in court so it was dismissed. Now as adults, talking and laughing about our “physical abuse” my mother denies this, my brother laughs at this and my younger sister gloats and says she never got hit. My mother tells us NOW as adults that she loves us. We knew that she loved us as kids even though she didn’t say it by the way she interacted with us. My mother never just got up and beat us for nothing and the punishment I believe fit the crime. would I beat my child with a belt much less a belt while she is wet. Hell No, but you know what? I don’t mind the likkle beating I got when I was 9 because I started stealing the $1 dem the minute I hit american soil at age 7 and got exposed to all the different candy. As a result of the beating, I did’nt grow up thinking stealing was ok as long as you can get away with it. Come to think of it, I think that the only time my mother ever beat me. I cant say the same for my brother. LOL.
    Currently My mother tells the grand kids that she loves them and she spoils them. Nothing like her grand kids. She cuss how she don’t want them at her house because they untidy her place and jump up in her bed with dem dutty self but nothing like them grandma.
    As a parent, I never hit my child but I yelled at her great deal when she did wrong. I worked alot as a young single mother so I didn’t spend as much time as I would have wanted to with my child. Instead I told her I loved her and showered her with material things. My sister who is 7 years younger than me spent a great deal of time with my child as my sister was a teenager who I gave a car and my child to babysit. So they were everywhere together. My sister was the “teenage mother” to my daughter as people actually though that was her child. Even though we all lived in the same house and I spent time with my daughter everyday, my sister spent the bulk of the time with her. To this day my daughter is much closer to my sister and I see the closeness and sometimes it bothers me but you reap what you sow. The point is even though I couldn’t be home to spend time with my child because I had to work, she knows that I love her by how I related to her during the little time we spent together.

  25. Nameless...

    on June 25, 2018 at 7:47 am - Reply

    I have a lump in my throat just reading… and @Marie trust me I acted out like my mother at times but that’s when I saw the pain in my son’s eyes that mirrored my own? I think that’s when reality kicked in and the hugs, tears and I’m sorry started to pour out. That’s when the sincere urge welled up inside of me to not continue the damage I was doing. So many of us are walking around as damaged goods trying to piece back the shattered bits of our hearts and mind. It is a very daunting process. We can only take it one day at a time. The best thing is when we recognize that we have similar traits that were passed down to us. The first step in healing is recognizing that there is a problem.
    As I finished reading what you wrote I was swiftly brought back to why this topic was introduced, the lump in my throat grew larger. I never wanted to be angry at this woman Cleo, I understand that she may have had her own trials… What is not being understood by me and certainly not my business is, why could she not at least try harder. I would have remained quiet had I not seen the frivolous spending. I would be way too ashamed and guilty to accept all those outrageous gifts knowing I didn’t cultivate his mind for success. I would be out of the limelight. It would be hard because I would feel as if my son would think I’m only trying to mend fences because he “made it”. I know his pain and struggles help to propel his career, but I just could not jump into his life and showing the world “hey my son is lavishing me with gifts”. It all seems so callous and cold hearted. I can’t imagine what thoughts were going through his mind. The need to be loved. The fact that a mother’s love seemed like it can be bought. If that’s the case most of us wouldn’t be able to afford it.
    For the people defending her? It angers me because it also paints a picture that it is ok all that happened to him, and is still happening to kids and young people worldwide. It is NOT ok. These behaviors continue from generation to generation. If we can’t speak out against it and try to cure this cancer? How will society ever be a better place? No one said our lives or upbringing was perfect? Nor were we saying that we are perfect. Some of us were lashing out for a young man that had so many demons, and when money got involved, the very parties that created those demons were benefiting from his success. He forgave her? He was still a very troubled youth, that had an enormous impact on millions of other youths. And the woman whom that was a fruit of her womb seem more interested in capitalizing from his demise than anything else. No remorse, no anger, no pain just business as usual.
    When you use social media as a platform to display your life, to flaunt your every possession and every move, then expect to be glorified or vilified in the court of public opinion. You do it for attention, so do not be upset when you get that attention, even if it’s not the attention you were looking for. Social media just as it implies is a social experience. You dont want anyone in your business? Don’t plaster said business all over the internet and expect for people to leave you alone. It’s very naive of anyone to think this backlash was not going to happen. No one expected mother Teresa, but for crying out loud can we see some empathy or remorse or pain if she wants to live out loud? Why should we remain quiet when she has no qualms for us to see it all? She wants to be a star so she’s getting what comes with stardom… solicited and unsolicited attention.

  26. Puddy back in this bissshhh

    on June 25, 2018 at 12:57 pm - Reply

    A lot of jamaican kids grow up wid evil damn parents who cover up their evil deeds by going to church Sunday after Sunday. A lot of jamaican adults are now quietly going into seeking therapy. As they should me myself included. My goal in life is to raise my children so that they won’t ever have to recover from their childhood.

  27. Highly Concerned

    on June 25, 2018 at 6:21 pm - Reply

    I spanked my son in the middle of night for kicking his teacher when he’s was 4. I cry about it everytime I remember..It was wrong and I was so angry…As I digress, my mother has changed and shes very loving with my son and warns me about disciplining my son through anger..Thank god for small mercys..

  28. Official Latty

    on June 25, 2018 at 6:34 pm - Reply

    FUCK parents dem a shit. Tired a give my love an all when mi know yuh nuh care mi still give har di love.. fuck she. Tired a yuh only fucking care and talk to me when yuh a get di money and when di money naaa come yuh find ways fi tell lie and tell mi fi go fuck big man…and when di man dem mi talk to naaa give yuh nuh money yuh nuh likedem. tired a all di wrangs yuh do an mi still love yuh an forgive yuh cause maybe mi seh one day she might just care… Tired a trying to please her.. tired of living trying to make it fi mek she proud and a smile on har face an she still nuh love mi… Mi tired a try giving har everything fi mek she feel some type of love fi mi. From mi know miself mi a buy yuh love an yuh still nuh appreciate shit..fuck yuh have mi fah. She fix everything fi har son and seh fuck me.. only time she up inna tings a when it a benefit she. Mi give har di world mek she nyam stake while mi tink out mi mackerel..all when ppl dis har mi pick up fi har all when it bun mi, mi cuss ppl fi har all when mi know she wrong but just maybe she will see wah mi duh. Anything she want mi try mi blue best fi get it.. even if mi affi fuck feeit ..she seh she wants house my a buy dat. She neva once seh yow see a birthday card yah mi picney mek mi put it pan mi dressa suh mi can show off an seh a mi madda gi mi dat, but every birthday wah she tell mi she want she get. When mi a picney mi only see yuh a night a road raise mi (das why dem seh it takes a village) food deh deh yes but fuck di food I needed you but yuh needed everything else but me.. how did fuck is it my fault if mi come stay like mi puppa yuh hate so much a guess das why me get di hate den. Mi affi hide an give mi fada money cause yuh cuss mi like dog cause di money a share. Let’s talk about how mi born wid a fucking hernia dat was supposed to be removed from mi a 4 and when mi complain bout di pain when mi a dead and yuh seh a attention mi a look.. now di hernia big an could a get it removed free of cost if mi could prove dat mi have it long time and when mi tell yuh.. yuh a talk bout it can’t be dat painful like yuh have hernia.. talk bout how yuh use to check mi fucking draws when mi a sleep fi see if mi a see period cause yuh hudda kill mi wid lick cause yuh tink mi a fuck when yuh neva even know how fucking intelligent I was. Wah yuh did fi check yuh neva check.. I also think you knew yuh fucking family members did a feel mi up fi fuck mi.. a dat yuh did fi fucking check… Who the fuck gives money to dem parent just fi get back something a wah di fuck dis.. mi tap tell mi frens bout yuh cause dem know di real me an hurt how yuh deal wid mi.. now mi see why God tek mi whey from yuh and all when him tek mi whey fi my safety mi still want yuh.. mek we talk bout di obeah mek we talk bout di corruption whey still a falla we..cause a you.. I can go on for days hypocrite ass… An mi still love yuh. But mi done wid yuh. More time mi nuh even have nuh love mi disturb nuh bloodclaaat.. di ppl dem seh mi flip floppy mi sure a from di rassclaat quick silver… mi pray fi yuh but yuh serve 2 master suh yuh good tidday and bad tomorrow. Mi a disappointment eeh… Di bloodclaaat disappointment wah Pay yuh bills mek sure yuh eva good but is alright. Yuh fuck mi up mentally but mi nuh give a fuck nuh more tired of giving a fuck im done. Now I’m gonna take some fucking drugs that way I don’t have to think about this shit.

    • MAMACITA

      on June 26, 2018 at 7:59 am - Reply

      Oh God latty…..di more mi read…. a di more mi cry. Smh. I could hug you right now. There are many many many Lattys out there. Babygurl…. I pray for you. Your journey to get from this place won’t be easy ….. but consider this a step towards letting go of the anger. You may never get what you want from your mother…..so any step that you take towards healing from the damage she has caused, will have to be a step for your own growth and happiness. I don’t even know how to help you here….to even begin to heal. Miss Met has my email. I’m only a few clicks away…..if you ever need an ear. Maybe not to talk …..but just someone to listen. I’m here. Not sure if this helps but it’s the least I can do. Right now I feel like my cell phone is falling and I’m trying my best to catch it…..not sure if I will….and scared that I won’t. Love and Blessings Latty. Yuh see a person’s life but yuh nuh know dem story. That’s why I say…..smile at a stranger. Say something nice to them if you can. Say good morning. You never know what ppl are going through…..and how just a kind word can encourage their day in a positive way. Nuff luv Latty.

    • Marie

      on June 26, 2018 at 8:28 pm - Reply

      I’m so sorry Latty. Sometimes you have to permanently cut off the people who we love the most. It’s necessary for our survival. She may change but she may not and I don’t think you should stick around to find out. It’s okay to say f*CK you, I’m out.

      Latty please be careful with the drugs. There are people who don’t want you to overdose or harm yourself intentionally. I’m so sorry and I’m honestly at a loss for words. You ain’t alone. Please be careful.

  29. Nameless...

    on June 25, 2018 at 9:40 pm - Reply

    @Latty that was so heartbreaking to read. Trying to find the right words. Sometimes we have to deal with it on our terms, until we can learn to love ourselves even if the entire world hates us. You are more than your past. You are way more valuable than your trials. You are not the pain others have caused you. Just try to love you and not what was done to you. Hopefully one day your heart can heal. I once shut her out. I also shut everyone that told me “she’s still your mom” out. I helped from a distance. I healed from a distance. Then slowly I let who I chose into my “new” space. Anything or anyone that brings negative energy I shut them down. I am now selfish with my heart, with my time and refuse to allow anyone to steal my joy and peace. Take care of yourself, you can attain a peace of mind even in the midst of turmoil. Try to take reclaim your power. It’s hard, you have to be determined. It is not you who are weak and empty… it’s the ones who robbed you of your joy. When the time feels right, make a decision not to allow anyone to darkened your soul. Bless up!

    • MAMACITA

      on June 26, 2018 at 8:00 am - Reply

      :2thumbup :shakehand2 :peluk

  30. Anonymous

    on June 25, 2018 at 11:02 pm - Reply

    @Official Latty…..bwoy mi feel that inna mi soul. So sorry for you babe….

  31. Anonymous

    on June 26, 2018 at 12:24 pm - Reply

    I wanted to share my story from the first day this post went up, but everytime I startet writing the tears broke loose like a broken damn. So here goes. My EGG DONOR is the worst person I know. Side note I don’t know who my SPERM DONOR IS! My EGG DONOR is a beautiful woman physically but a demon on the inside! She was bout verbally and physically abusive to me. She tied me to trees and beat me. She used machete, belt, stick and anything that could inflict pain on me. She she even put me in ants nest at age 4 or 5yrs old. When she wasn’t beating me she would curse me and spit in my face. When I was in All-Age school she would give her other children lunch money.She would tell me that she nah gi nobaddie that she don’t like her money! She would cook her food and for days she would sit and eat with her other kids and seh shi want mi dead fi hungry! One day when I was around 10 I believed it was about day 2 in my starvation. I stole some of her bread and she used a fork and stabbed me on my hand!( I know sound like a lie right). Although my home life was hell God has blessed me with a decent brain. So I passed my Common Entrance for a very prominent high school. I was sure that this would make her happy seeing my name in the paper. I showed it to her she give me one box and seh mi fi go tek man if I wanted to go school. Because shi nah spend her money that shi a fuck fa pon someone she doesn’t like! Did I mention that she was the community mattress? Oh yes! And a pure Bad man shi tek, so everyone was afraid to say something to her when she was trying her best to KILL me. For those wondering if I went to high school. Yes I did I learned at 11yrs old that God had a plan for me! He blessed me with a brain that got me a scholarship after finishing high school for a college in America. I turned out ok. But I am still broken because I am still a cutter at age 36. I am guarded and shut down to anyone and everyone. The only person I have emotions for is my Son. God has blessed me with a man that loves me, but I question.. how can a strange man love me. When my own EGG DONOR hated me! Is this possible? I give God thanks that I am a different parent from her. I love my son when I die he will never have to wonder if I loved him! My home work from my therapist was to call her some time ago and get closure. The EGG DONOR said that happened a long time ago! The Egg Donor then went on to say if I can’t file for her blah blah! The EGG DONOR asked for money I told my husband and he said to send it to her! I send money to the EGG DONOR monthly and send barrell also. When I do I just go Cut somewhere on my body! I am so damaged only God understands!

    • Met

      on June 26, 2018 at 12:31 pm - Reply

      So sorry to read this , I cannot understand why she singled you out and even put you in ants nest..this is the first time Im hearing this..that is truly evil..But I cant understand the emotion behind cutting, what does it do and how does it make you feel during and after? Sometimes closing does’t mean you open a door sometimes you have to close the door that opens to the source of your pain

    • Met

      on June 26, 2018 at 12:35 pm - Reply

      Not all mothers connect to their children although it is the first love a child should know but was there anyone who should you any compassion throughout your life…I mean like a mother figure?

    • Anonymous

      on June 26, 2018 at 1:32 pm - Reply

      I am so sorry to hear what you have been through. In my humble opinion I think you need to cut off the relationship. For your own health and sanity. Do not speak to others about it because no matter how they try, they will never understand what you have been through. People are so quick to tell people to forgive and forget. The pain this woman caused you should never be forgiven. She should suffer because of what she did to you. Do not file for her or let her come anywhere near you. The abuse will never stop.

    • Marie

      on June 26, 2018 at 8:46 pm - Reply

      Your egg donor is a criminal and she should be in prison. This level of evil should not be rewarded. She should never get another barrel or another red cent from you, especially if helping her triggers self harm. Sometimes I feel forgiveness is overrated, I swear. I would have one final confrontation with her you si and deal with her severely. I’m so sorry hun. I am so angry after reading this. This was child abuse maybe even attempted murder too. I’m so so sorry.

      • Met

        on June 26, 2018 at 9:22 pm - Reply

        Marie we haffi go try get more into these posts maybe once a month..whey u think?

        • Marie

          on June 26, 2018 at 10:37 pm - Reply

          I agree. Good idea. Healing can happen in many different forms. Someone may benefit from those who are willing to share their experiences on this forum. I personally have formed a slightly different perspective regarding the parenting I received after reading these comments, which is a good thing. Met I’m realizing that the cause and effect of bad parenting seem to be almost identical amongst Jamaicans.Love and hatred are two deadly emotions. Some express hate freely and can’t even say the words, “I love you”. Some of these parents should be in prison man.

          • Met

            on June 26, 2018 at 10:44 pm -

            :kiss Im gonna commit to that

  32. Nameless...

    on June 26, 2018 at 2:09 pm - Reply

    @Anonymous 12:24 My dear always remember you could have never done anything horrible enough to any parent to be treated that way. I am glad that you are strong enough, loving enough and brave enough, to be able to love your son though you were never shown that love. It gives me hope that one day you will see your own strength and accomplishment and realize YOU did it! You were able to overcome all odds and succeed academically! You found love and you are able to be a wife and mother. Some of us went through many broken relationships before we could fully trust another human being. Some of us never recover and are still wandering around this world spiritually wounded. I have hope that you will eventually heal and not feel the need to damage yourself. You deserve happiness, for yourself, for your husband and for your son. You are blessed with a new life. You have hope. You are strong. Your past doesn’t define who you are today.
    We sometimes still feel the pain because those early years are crucial years. Those years mold us and influence how we see the world around us. If we are properly nurtured then we see a bright world ready for exploration. If we suffer abuse then we are apprehensive and we mistrust. I have learned however that its us with the psychological scars that are overcomers. Its us with our rough pasts that are more able to cope with changes and challenges. You have had many chapters in your life. This is not the final chapter. Look back on all the pain and struggles then look where you are now. You can decide to write a much better chapter for your tomorrow. Know that you are strong enough and brave enough to no longer inflict pain to feel better or whole. I wish you all the best. We are overcomers!

  33. Anonymous

    on June 26, 2018 at 2:55 pm - Reply

    Cutting makes me know feel…. ummm that there is a reason to be sad. I can cry because whereever I cut hurt! Its kind of hard yo explain. It just make me know wherw my pain is! I am crying because my arm hurt, I am crying because i cut my leg. Its just a reason..

  34. Anonymous

    on June 26, 2018 at 3:01 pm - Reply

    An evangelist. MET I have a real testimony that let me know that I AM PURPOSE. Just sometimes I feel empty! Especially these days when I have to help the EGG DONOR. Because its the Godly thing to do!

    • Met

      on June 26, 2018 at 3:56 pm - Reply

      sigh

  35. Anonymous

    on June 26, 2018 at 3:11 pm - Reply

    Forgiveness is key even if it take decades. I came to the US when I was 19 yrs to my aunt, I was my aunt favorite niece,as I child she was cool, hip and lived a good life, once I wish she was my mother but then I realized who she really is. My mom sent me away to to get a better life, my aunt promised to take care of me , love me as her own child and guide me. Cleaning the bathroom twice a day, babysitting her own child, throwing away my clothes because I wasnt allowed to use her washing machine as I was sick; she and her husband laughed at me. I have never said no to my aunt as I looked to her as my mother, I was a hose slave, I had one shoes she bought from Bobby’s for me , one brown bra, and one jacket suit which I wear in the winter and summer. My aunt put out my sister then christmas eve 2008 I was tired coming in from work when my sister told me she and my aunt had an argument. That morning my aunt drape mi up, hit me and all the pain of living with her sleeping on her floor, cant wash my clothes , sick and needed help, all the pain came out. She kicked me out the house , I resented my sister for years and blame my mother for not standing up to her sister. My sister and I got in trouble with the law and my aunt helped with that situation.all of this fighting between my sister and myself was out of pain and anger. But I learn to forgive and move on. 10yrs after as I look back on my childhood how my aunts treated my sister and I along with our mother and still do , It pains my hurt, But Forgiveness is I what I yearn for and y

  36. Marie

    on June 27, 2018 at 12:41 am - Reply

    Anyone else notice that boys and girls are parented differently? I believe mothers are harsher and less loving of their daughters and this thread is indicative of that. I believe that boys are given preferential treatment with little to no responsibility placed on them. Not only, were my brothers loved differently from me, my mother actually confirmed in my teenage years that she disliked girls. It may sound petty, but it’s not. This preference for boys is more transparent in other cultures but Jamaican moms are guilty of it. I believe in their minds, boys are more pleasing to the father and “holds them” so to speak.

    Some of these sons grow up to become useless as husbands and fathers and actually end up ignoring their mothers. Oh the irony! It took my mom having to have surgery for her to see that I was the only child who put my life on pause to be by her side, and to understand that her son’s ain’t sh!t. She and I were still at odds years after and it’s just recently that she has been giving her all while I’ve been giving 0% honestly. This favouritism over gender is bullsh!t and needs to stop.

    • Anonymous

      on June 28, 2018 at 8:16 am - Reply

      There is a documentary on YouTube called “Songs of Redemption”please watch and you will see if boys are treated differently.

  37. Its Puddy....

    on June 27, 2018 at 9:02 am - Reply

    Oh gosh Anonymous I feel your pain through this post. I too was severely physically, mentally and verbally abused by my father. It was bad!!!!!! I had to escape at the age of 13 and I never went back. I am 33 now. Not only that but my father was a Sunday school teacher, musician and preacher! I hated God, Jamaican men, and anyone who was his friend. I turned out good because I had to prove him wrong. You can forgive, but I would not send monetary help and barrel if you are going to cut yourself.

    At Met, I work with a population of people who cut.
    Many state that it is the only thing they can control. Or The pain that they inflict on themselves is a way to not hurt who they TRULY wish to harm.As well as many other reasons. Each case is different. But common cutters experienced severe trauma in childhood. Its complicated to understand but from working with the broken I understand and have compassion.

  38. Highly Concerned

    on June 27, 2018 at 10:37 pm - Reply

    The more I read, the more of the dots i connect throughout this thread. One common denominator is that many of us have suffered one way or another from the way our parents raised us. I grew to love my mother because she really didn’t know better despite her VIRAGO ways, and I know she loved us too, she just doesn’t know how to Express it. @ Marie, u r right about the boys cause my brothers could do no WRONG for my Grandmother, the next virago…I’m doing everything in my power not be a generational statistic.. @Latty, me heart heavy fi u misses… Forgiveness overrated fi chue..

  39. Nameless...

    on June 28, 2018 at 11:45 am - Reply

    With respect to the boys, from my experience with my brothers, cousins, uncles etc. Its been known that boys are taught to “manup”. For all we know there are men reading this thread of conversation and have been suffering silently and refuse to speak up.
    Boys suffering sometimes comes from the fathers. Not every household hold boys in high regards. A daughter can be a daddy’s girl and that same father put his sons through hell. I know many men who have had traumatic experiences from mother/father or both. They internalize things. They are taught they should be strong. If they vent about their turmoil they are viewed by society as punks and wusses. Why do you think so many men are dysfunctional in relationships? One:most never had a father figure or mentor to teach them how to care for a woman/wife. Two: the mother who is suppose to be his first experience of how woman are and how they expect to be treated. That first woman however never nurtured that relationship. If the mother/son relationship has an unhealthy start, then that son will grow up with a distorted view of females and any woman in his life will catch hell for the brokenness his mother passed to him.
    Men, like us are humans. They also need love and emotional support in their early years. Show me a broken man and I am almost 95% certain that he was not always like that. The brokenness either started in his earlier years, or life deal him some blows. I have several brothers. Men especially from my generation (I’m in my early 40’s) were not raised to express hurt. They were taught early to be “strong” “resilient” (yo man up, yuh act like yuh ah gal). All those reinforcements that foster another kind of pain and resentment. The silent sufferers of society that you never hear about. I have a feeling a few have read this thread and would NEVER expose their raw emotions like some of us have. Hopefully one or a few can give their experience and shed their perspective from a male side of this paradigm. Trust and believe they are out there. They have not all had glorious lives, being doted on by loving parents, loving mothers; the same of which abused us girls. There are those that have just as horrendous pasts as ours. One of you guys if you’re reading, it’s ok to share. To express something from your past and how badly it affected you is by no means a sign of weakness. We are sharing our stories to show how bad parenting destroys our safety net as children. The struggles we have endured. The mistakes we as parents need not repeat if we want to foster healthy relationships with our children. We are here learning from each other’s experiences. No one should feel ashamed of what was done to them. We were innocent children. Trusting the adults around us. Please share if you are moved to do so!

  40. Aisha

    on July 1, 2018 at 10:07 am - Reply

    After reading the comments I’ll say this; As an adult and a parent I’ve learned that we have to take responsibility for our actions, however… social conditioning plays a huge impact on the way we are. I know it may seem to some like an excuse but we have to take into consideration- SLAVERY! The physical, emotional, social and even mental abuse that is has inflicted in our lives. I know it’s our ancestors who went through it but it’s been conditioned onto us by means of control the abuse and neglect of our own that it basically became a norm. It’s not right, I personally have a lot of issues going on but as I too became a statistic of being just like my mother, I had to take a step back and do some reflecting on all the things I disliked about her and I see a few of them in myself. I look at my kids now and I wonder will they grow to hate me or neglect me even for something I didn’t do or could have done. I don’t know, but I can say that we are all mentally enslaved and to some extent institutionalised by the white mans system, as they left us with the tools and mindset to destroy and enslave our own as they went back to their habitats and displayed opposite to that they have done to us. They don’t display the same level of physical or emotional abuse towards their own, something you learn later on in life especially if you migrated to the states or the UK, If you are aware of your traumas please seek healing one way or another. Oh another thing don’t think for a second your parents aren’t living with the guilt of knowing what they did but some may be too ashamed and rather not speak on it others it probably eats at them slowly

  41. Anonymous

    on July 14, 2018 at 4:30 pm - Reply

    Met….I am a long time visitor to your site but first time commenting. I really appreciate this post as there is a lot of good being done just by persons expressing themselves. It is what we are really here for, helping each other.

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